For couples

One of my favorite counseling topics with couples is Dr. John Gottman's 5 magic hours. Gottman's model is research based. He is a psychologist and leading US relationship expert who has conducted studies of thousands of couples at his “Love Lab” at The Gottman Institute for over 30 years. One of the ‘bibles’ for couples is "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". One of the 'bibles' for marriage therapists is "The Marriage Clinic". His research has found that there are five magic hours that will improve and strengthen your marriage.  

Partings—when you part in the morning make sure you’ve learned about one thing happening in your partner’s day. Estimated time: 2 minutes per day x 5 working days, totals 10 minutes per week
Reunions— Spend 20 minutes at the end of each workday to reconnect and talk about your day. Such a conversation with reduce your stress at the end of the day. Estimated time: 20 minutes per day x 5 working days, totals 1 hour, 40 minutes per week
Admiration and Appreciation—Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner. Estimated time: 5 minutes per day x 7 days, totals 35 minutes per week
Affection—Kiss, hold, grab and touch each other while you’re together – be playful with each other.  Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep. A kiss can be a way to let go of any minor irritations that may have built up over the day. Estimated time: 5 minutes per day x 7 days, totals 35 minutes per week
Weekly Date—Take at least two hours every week to stay connected in a low-pressure way.  Use the time to talk to get to know each other even more, update each other about important issues, go out on a date, and enjoy being together. You can also use the time to work through any arguments or issues that may have come up. Estimated time: 2 hours per week

Think about this: 

• Which of these five are you already doing well?
  
• Which of these five do you need to focus on and be mindful about?
  
• What would be some fun things to do with your mate? 
• What do you want more of from your mate, and your relationship?

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